Saturday, May 29, 2010

Funny Family Moments in the Fletcher House!

So Phil and I wanted to know what our children think about dating.  This conversation began by our children asking the question, "At what age will we be able to go to the movies with just our friends?"  Our answer was pretty simple.  We will not create a standard age for our children to do anything really.  It will depend on their independent level of responsibility, friends, obedience, the movie they want to see etc.  Basically it will be to our discretion and on a child by child basis!  That conversation lead into another.  The topic of dating.  Phil and I don't think we have come to a complete conclusion on the topic.  We have heard so much and simply are not sure which way to go with it.  We have talked about courting, arranged marriage, dating, banning all forms of contact between the opposite gender outside of parental relationship and on and on.  Phil has talked about polishing weapons and intimidating all males and I have threatened to ban all "chicken heads" from our house.  But what is a realistic expectation?  This is still a matter of prayer and praise the Lord that we still have time to wait and hear from the Lord.

In the meantime, Phil and I both know each one of our children have formed their own opinions about dating, courting and the rest.  So here are the results.

Our 11 year old boy says.....
Well the problem with dating is if people have sex, make out, or kiss.  So if you don't have sex, or make out or kiss people should be able to date at 10 years old.  Our question to him was, "Son, what would a person do with a boyfriend or girlfriend at the age of 10 years old?"  his response was they could hold hands outside of school. 

Then we have our youngest an 8 year old girl says.....
I think we should date at the age of 18!  She was very excited about her answer.  We are not sure if that is her true belief or if she just wanted to answer the question according to what we think would be a good answer.  She went on to explain that 18 was a good age because you should be going to college and have the high school stuff out of the way and your maturity is in place to date.

Finally our middle child a 9 year old girl says....
You have to date at the age of 16 years old.  Because you need at least 3-4 years to get to know a person before you marry them.  I will be married at 20.  She went on to say that she and her friend watched a show called, "Say yes to the dress" and she was 49 getting married for the first time.  Oh, my she was way too old to be getting married for the first time.  Who wants to be that old and getting married.  I mean you can't even have children then.  You body is starting to breakdown.  No, way man.  I want a boyfriend at 16 for my birthday gift! 

Okay people what do we say to these things!  I will admit a whole lot of laughter took place after that conversation.  However I thought it was good to hear what they think about these topic without spoon feeding them our thoughts and beliefs.  We certainly took the time to shape some of what was said, but even more so I had to examine my thoughts on a few things.

What is the appropriate age to allow your children to develop relationships with the opposite gender.  In some ways I feel like the rules are the same as the movie rules.  Phil had to look long and hard about Najee's thoughts and her 16th birthday request.  LOL But seriously!  Naj is my home schooled child, who has really learned this year about being a wife and mother.  So naturally her desire would be towards marriage and motherhood.  We are also currently in a sea of young people getting married at the age of 18-24 years old.  Even I got married at 21 years old.  I can see where that thought process came from.

I don't know.  What do you think?  What are you teaching your children about dating, courting and the opposite gender?  What is your philosophy about this topic with your kids?  Do you look at your dating experience and think it is something they should follow or is your experience something you want your children to avoid?  Let's chat about that.  I want to hear from you.



Holly said...

hmmmm.... well our children were told they were allowed to date at 16. The girls still haven't had boyfriends who were more than just friends. They don't see the need at the moment -- although I certainly am praying they will find the right man and raise a family! :) Ross is "dating" a young lady and it's disconcerting to say the least, hard to reel him back in, he is such a romantic at heart (yes Ross!) that I think he's wrapping to much of his happiness up in her and is headed for hurt but can't tell him that! Apparently he's quite the gentleman at school and has a string of young ladies waiting in line should he and C call it quits but he likes to push the boundaries and that worries me. All that to say while 16 is a good starting point I think you have to base it on each child. Really beleive courting is the better way to go with getting to know both families,etc (although of course R doesn't think it has anything to do with the families).

Love your kiddos comments by the way!

Nicolle said...

Thank you for sharing your story. Just tell Ross not to start any fires in the backyard! ;) I will have to update you when we get there. For now it was good to hear from them.