The question I have struggled with for years. Brief update…I have a sperm donor for a father who only acknowledges my existence when it is to his advantage. In my almost 32 years of life I have had 6 encounters with my father/sperm donor. Yes I have counted! That in itself is a problem. Here is the bigger picture; he the sperm donor had an affair 32 years ago. To my knowledge his wife of over forty years is unaware of this fact. This story …my story is sad, sad, sad. Why is this story so sad? Because this man, this father, this sperm donor has chosen his own comfort. His comfort would include a wife and children by this wife….a family that does not include a lust child. I, the lust child, his undeniable flesh and blood have endured public denials not once but twice. Not to mention this is a continued denial from this “family” that brings him the most comfort.
Here is my question again…who am I? If only his through sperm, then to whom do I really belong? Where can I look for find my heritage, or a sense of belonging? Who accepts me for who I am, then encourages me to do and be better? Who will be a loving guide for me when I struggle and don’t understand this life? How can I explain a father’s love to my own children if I have no model for this type of love? What do I look for in my husband as he fathers our children? These are the questions that have haunted me for years, and many of you may have the same questions.
Through all of this I have learned that I have a Father who is truly awesome! That Father is my Heavenly Father! My Daddy is the ONE who created the entire universe and sustains it by His very WORD! He knew me before time began. My conception and birth were not a surprise to Him but in fact was purposed by Him. I am His! I am created in His image and His likeness. He has written a 66 book love letter for me. Contained within those pages are instructions on how to live, and love according to my Father. Again we are talking about the Creator God my Daddy who formed everything.
Talk about heritage, and family history…I have no lack! I have a family history that can be traced to before there was life on earth, in fact before there was earth. My Heavenly Father has poured out His love for me through the life of His Son Jesus Christ. He has given me direction, inspiration and a reason to live. It is this love that I pattern my life after. I look like my Daddy, through Christ I act like my Daddy. He doesn’t leave me. He walks with me. My Daddy has demonstrated His love for me by His Son Jesus Christ. Because my Dad is Perfect, Holy, Righteous, and Just, He doesn’t accept individuals who are not perfect, not holy, not Righteous, and Not Just. I by my nature fall in the not category. Yet, my Dad was very aware of my inability to attain His standards by myself. He sent His son to fulfill the requirement for me. So my Dad looks at me and sees the work of Jesus Christ and receives me. I did nothing to attain His favor, nothing to attain His Love, or be His child. But He did it all. Christ paid the price for me to be known of God. That was God’s plan for me before time began. So I embrace my past, my present, and my future with the understanding that I belong to God!
So Who AM I? I am Nicolle Sherrie Fletcher child of the Most High God, beloved of the Father, Known of the Son, Comforted by the Holy Spirit, grafted into the body of believers by the Perfect Sinless Blood of Jesus Christ. God has lavished His love upon me. He will never deny me because I am sustained in Christ as His child for eternity. I belong to GOD!